Good morning…It’s time to WAKE up to your life.
There are things that I only say in my head ( and sometimes out loud- but I most definitely avert my eyes when I do) “Tomorrow is the day. The day I start eating better. I will drink my protein shake with the almond milk, the chia seeds, and the 28 essential vitamin and minerals found only in these chalky flavored powdered greens.” “I will also exercise for 1 hour, starting tomorrow.” I will whittle my waist down and firm up these thighs, tomorrow.” “Oh, tomorrow I will also start using that anti wrinkle, spot remover, texture smoothing, red reducing, age defying super duper face cream I bought for way too much money. I’m ready to start fighting aging, yup..that’s going to help at 48, a whole new, fresher, smoother me, but I’ll start tomorrow.” ” Tomorrow I will start my meditation practice, I did buy that app, so tomorrow I will start, and I will finally be free of the anxiety FREEEEEE”. ” Tomorrow I will start the *NEW* 7 day writing challenge, 1,000 words per day, no excuses, it’s happening…just watch” and I usually do, I start strong, I start excited and motivated ( even a bit confident and cocky), but it never fails those plans eventually lose that cap of steam that gave me the initial bump on the front end of things, which very quickly and quietly just peters out. This is when the real work should start, but it never quite does. Even if I squint my eyes shut super tight and WISH WISH WISH it doesn’t happen.
This never fails to leave me feeling, as I imagine most people, (ok except for the ones who do actually follow through and finish things, and in that case don’t feel obliged to read any further, this doesn’t really pertain to you and your super human sense of self) feeling like crap.
I play the familiar dieting game, you know the one, it works in all scenarios you know not just dieting. It goes like this…If I’ve missed ALL the other days, if I’ve already missed doing all of the things that I should be doing for myself, that it is just TOO late, why bother… please pass the chocolate. And as if on cue, tomorrow comes and I am too tired, too behind on ALL of the things on the “HAVE” to do list, too overwhelmed. I’m late getting up and now I only have 45 minutes instead of the hour I committed to in the first place.. just LATE LATE LATE. Late to my life. Is that a thing? It’s definitely a thing.
So how does one stop being the person who says she will do something, something she actually REALLY want to do ( and sometimes she even starts those things), but rarely finishes or follows through? Why do I KNOW what I need to be doing, but rarely prioritize doing them? Most of the things that I can identify as road blocks, that get in the way, that interrupt, that replace what I WANT to be doing, often have very little to do with me. Strange. And yet sadly so predictable and is the one thing I do fairly consistently… yea me!
NEWSFLASH** I am a newly identified, but long- time card carrying member of the TOMORROW Club. I’m not proud of this fact, although I do love clubs ( and I always hope that there will be swag and team t-shirts), but there it is. I know that someone familiar with this awesome behavior trait will say, this is great, now you know you do it, just stop doing it. OH HOW I WISH! ( AGAIN with the wishing- it doesn’t work) Here’s the thing, the part of the mental game that just SUCKS, no matter how much you will something to change, really want it to be different, making actual change to any behavior takes time, inner strength, belief in yourself and an unwavering knowing that you can do it, whatever that is for the person fighting the good fight. So this blog entry is me fighting and for today ( and yesterday) winning this one tiny battle. I don’t want to be class president of the Tomorrow Club, I don’t want to be last on my life list, I want to be first. “PICK ME!” The whisper inside says, you won’t regret it, but it’s not going to be easy, buckle up.